internal acceptance

Anybody who says he can’t have a relationship with someone who’s gone through a rape or abuse is probably perverted himself because his perspective reveals the kind of person he is. For him to look down at another person shows that regardless of how highly he might have placed himself, the fact remains that he regards another person as unworthy.

How can we say his is different from the mindset of the abuser? The rapist being a perverted soul (intentional or not) considers his victim ‘unworthy’ otherwise he wouldn’t treat her with so much disrespect.

If you have gone through a rape or abuse experience, you need to know that another person’s misbehaviour should not be allowed to define your worthiness as an individual.

Evil occurs not because victims are bad or worthless but because evil doesn’t have any regard for its prey. So don’t take every tragic event as a curse or an act of retribution. Don’t ever tell yourself you deserved what you never bargained for. It’s a different thing if you got yourself involved consciously, because then it wouldn’t be abuse. It would be your choice of action. But abuse is against your will.

You may also have asked why God didn’t stop the abuse from happening. The fact here is that we are all free moral agents; we are responsible for our actions and will bear the consequences of same, be it good or bad. You were wronged, you didn’t do wrong. Therefore, the wrongdoer will pay for his actions in one way or the other. You were wronged, you may be hurting but you can be restored and will be recompensed in one way or the other. Don’t count it as a loss. Take it as an experience that you will win over.

Praying could have helped us escape if we had seen it coming but may not stop the evil mind from its intentions. We don’t have total control over life events however we can have faith that troubles wouldn’t take us down and that we would keep rising with every challenge that comes our way.

Yes, it’s possible for the situation to have been avoided but not in all cases. And even if it could have; it’s past now. You could keep lessons for another day and as an empowerment tool for yourself and others, but you must not let it drag down your self esteem.

Casualties of rape should be regarded as fragile and approached with tender hands and hearts. This is because they are not only hurting, they have actually been wounded physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. They need time and love to be nurtured back to wholeness. This is one reason why I consider it great madness for an individual to discontinue a relationship or even a marriage because his partner was raped or assaulted. She needs help not hate.

The same goes for friends and relatives. We need to let the ‘casualty’ know that she has nothing to be ashamed of. All shame should be directed at the wrongness of the crime not the individual. Let her know it’s alright with her. Accidents happen in life and this is just one of them, it only happens to be sexual in nature.

Those who have struggles with sexual assault cases, both perpetrators and affected third parties need help also; because no right thinking individual should want to harm others to derive pain.

If you (perpetrators, casualties, and affected persons) have had experiences similar to this or are struggling with one right now; this might be the right time to get free. Most of our struggles are all in the mind and with the right experience and knowledge, things can be changed for the better. Remember, shame is a matter of perspective! Don’t hesitate to contact a counsellor who will handle your matter competently and confidentially. It’s a new day, if you decide to make it so!


There’s a more fulfilling life for you out there; reach for it!


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